Fun with Vocabulary
My friends and I started a vocabulary club. I know what you’re thinking… you guys are fucking awesome. (The f-bomb, I’m proud to say, is one of the new words we’ve learned since beginning the club.)
Anyway, we started off like any coterie of young, eager learners, using words that we could apply to everyday life: aberration, adduce, abase…
But then people started to get fancy. Wednesday was catawompus. Thursday katzenjammer. And Friday was salmagundi. So my friend Phil emailed me:
Dear Noah, he wrote. (He’s very formal.) What do you think about our latest selection of words? I don’t know about you, but I’d enjoy learning words that I’d be likely to use in conversation.
I agreed with Phil and sent an email to the group, trying to convince them to avoid the pretentious ones. And things went back to normal. That is until it was Phil’s turn to submit a word.
Docking was his choice. He used the Urban Dictionary’s definition: The act of placing the head of one’s penis inside the foreskin of another’s penis.
(I guess Webster didn’t know about docking.)
I thought I’d include for you the amazing sentence that Urban Dictionary offers to help vocabophiles retain the new and useful terminology: David and Patrick enjoyed docking immensely because of Patty’s stretchy foreskin.
I contacted Phil immediately.
“I wanted to add a little levity to the conversation,” he said defensively.
“But didn’t you tell me that you only wanted to use words that you could… Whoa!” I announced in shock. “Hold on a minute. Foreskin? I thought you were Jewish? Or are you the role of Patty’s David?”
